Dear Baby -
I still cannot believe you're living & growing inside me. It's just something I can't seem to wrap my brain around - babies are supposed to come by stork... But we will save that conversation for when you're a little older. I'll be honest with you... I am scared out of my mind for you to get here. I just feel like I could be smarter, older, better, for you... So it's a scary thought that I'll be the one you depend on for growth. I feel like I still depend so heavily on my own Mother, and now I will be a Mother myself, which seems so strange to me still.
There has been a lot going on in our lives Baby, a lot of things have been thrown at us within these past 9 months of marriage. There are challenges in all walks of life of course, but our recent challenges have certainly tried to get the best of us. On top of those, I was recently called as the Relief Society President of our ward here, which just seemed extremely overwhelming at the time... So you can imagine the surprise when we heard you were coming. I thought for sure that this would just be too hard to handle with everything else we are dealing with. I have been praying so fervently for strength that I can be everything you need... And my answer to those prayers will be one I will never forget. You're slowly changing my life Baby, and yet we haven't even met.
Trials are never supposed to get the best of you Baby, always try and keep that in mind. Trials are supposed to make us stronger and I've been slowly forgetting that. I feel like in the past 6 months I have lost myself completely. I've let our trials win and I haven't felt like me anymore. I've been more angry, more quick to doubt our Father in Heaven, and been letting my personal strengths become way too weak. I've let those trials win Baby, and I am not the quitter they are trying to turn me into. It has been really depressing.. I have been really struggling.. and I didn't want to bring you into a world like that. All I have wanted, from the moment I found out you were coming, was to find myself again. Not only do I want that for myself, I want that for you. A couple weeks went by and I just kept getting more fearful that that wasn't going to happen. I kept praying that I would be good for you, and kept praying to know why you were being sent to us... Of all times, why now?
We were waiting in the Doctor's Office getting ready to see you for the first time.. I was really nervous. I could tell your Dad was really nervous too. The Doctor got me all ready and then suddenly you were on the big screen. Your tiny, tiny body started dancing around, almost like you were showing off because you knew we were watching. I couldn't believe how cute you were, a tiny little peanut, but oh so cute. Your Dad kept squeezing my hand and we kept laughing at how funny you were. The size of a prune, and yet you were already making us laugh. It was at that moment that the Lord answered those prayers of mine... Louder than He ever has before... You're bringing me back. You are my purpose. You are the reason I am here. Everything I have ever learned, everything my Mother has taught me, the testimony I have nurtured.. It is all for you... You are making each trial seem so insignificant because you are the purpose. You are the reason we have been tested in the first place, helping to make sure we were growing and strengthening ourselves for you; making sure we are ready for you. You are putting my priorities back in order without even trying and bringing me back quicker than I thought possible. You, and every child after you.. Our temple marriage.. Our eternal family.. That is what this life is really all about.
Thank you Baby.. Thank you for reminding me of my true purpose. Life has a funny way of working out, but you are one unexpected thing that is certainly changing me for the better.
I love you to pieces,
Mom
15 comments:
You have a blog! You are now going on my list. Mahahaha
Also, congrats on the baby! :)
ahhh...congratulation! I have to say when your mom told me I could not stop laughing. All in good fun of course! I SO love that your mom is going to be a grandmother...haha.
Seriously though, you will be a wonderful mother Elyse. You have my warmest wishes and love to you and your now growing family.
why you have to make me cry on a wednesday afternoon? such a sweet post. babies are the best and they only make our lives better. so glad you are pregnant. it is the best thing ever!!!
Oh my goodness!! Congratulations—you are going to be a fantastic mother. And, I've seen pictures of your husband (though admittedly, haven't met him), and I know how gorgeous you are: that kid is going to be a looker.
Congrats Elyse! What a wonderful surprise. Your writing is honest and touching. You'll be a great mom.
for your own good, make your blog private...
haha dear anonymous.. I refuse to make my blog private because i get bugged by those blogs. if you really want me to reconsider, then please reveal yourself and we can discuss things.
I'm not trying to be vexatious. I'm just trying to help you... and me.
I dont get how your comments help me, or how making my blog private would help me. and the fact that you cant even show your name doesnt help me either. so why dont you just email me, and we can talk about this some other place. ebrantingham@gmail.com... then maybe you can show me how exactly you are "helping" me.
Fantastic blog, I hadn't come across mrandmrsbrantingham.blogspot.com earlier in my searches!
Keep up the good work!
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