Forgotten

I don't know what my problem is, but I am holding back tears right now. I should certainly not be crying, but all the sudden I cannot help it. Yes, period week is approaching us, but I hate that excuse because I am emotional with or without it. Then, if you happen to be overcome with emotion around that time, everyone rights it off, blaming it on the blood and not true feelings. So period or not, I am feeling emotion. Strong emotion.

Why? I miss my family. All the sudden I just miss them. Like the kind of missing that makes you re-call all the special things you love most, even without putting the effort in to do so. The real kicker is the fact that I live a mile from them, if even that. Its not like there are states between us, hours between us, no, there are just two turns between us and yet I still miss them like those two turns were states.

Its funny how you can be so close, but yet so far. Schedules come in between, lives come in between, and now I understand why we didnt really see my grandparents that much. You dont want to intrude. You dont want to just walk in while everyone is going about their lives and expect someone to talk with you and visit with you. Things are busy. I barely saw them all when I was actually living in the home, so you can imagine how my attempts would go at seeing them now.

And its not even my parents, no offense to them. Its my siblings. Its those wonderful siblings. I miss my siblings so much. I miss their faces. I miss us laughing. I miss late night Law & Order dates. I miss their hugs. I miss their criticism of how strange my face sometimes looks when I have all my creams plastered on. I miss their want for game night, me being the only adult in the home always ready for that. I miss rolling my eyes with them when our parents say something ridiculous, because they know I have been there and I know I have been there. I miss family dinners. I just miss them. I honestly thought I was ready to leave. I thought I was ready to move on and experience new adventure, and I am, don't worry Rob, I am. I just didn't realize I would miss them like this. And its only going to get worse. Throw in a few states, a lot more strangers, and it will get much much worse.

They just have to promise they wont move on without me. I think that's what scares me the most, is the fact that they will all move on without me. They will have dates I don't know about, funny little inside jokes that I will be on the outside of, horrible happenings that I wont fully be able to understand because I wont be there. They will grow up and live their lives, me at a distance, and they will move on without me. I cant be there to give them advice unless they come to me, and what if they never come to me? What if moving on without me, has a tinge of forgetting about me all mixed in together. You can try as hard as you can to keep in touch, but sometimes the other person has to make moves too, and what if they never call me? What if they never need me anymore?

So siblings. Please miss me like I miss you. Please call me when you feel like it, because your voices will always light up my day. You are all extrodinary people, on your way to do extraordinary things, things that I cannot wait to see happen. Just please, dont forget about me. I will always be missing you. I will always want to laugh with you, and play games with you, and eat with you.. I will always cherish you and be rooting for you because I love you. I love you with all of my heart.

I just don't want to be forgotten.