Today I Finally Feel Human

This Friday marks the 6th week that I have been a parent. 

It still feels weird to say that. 

I honestly thought it would've sunk in by now, but it still feels very weird.

Especially when I still call my Mom, Mommy.

I have learned so much in the past 6 weeks.. or almost 6 weeks.. 

Not just about parenthood, but about this little guy as well. 

- When he wants to be fed, you must drop everything.. The man means business when it comes to his food.

- He has many different cries and I have finally distinguished which is which..

- There is a cry for when he is scared, a cry for when he wants a change of scenery, a cry for when he doesn't want to lay down anymore and wants Mom out of bed, a cry for when he is hurt, a cry for when he is hungry, a cry for when he needs to be burped, a cry for when he feels forgotten (usually when you leave him in his crib for longer than 2 min.), a grunt for when he is annoyed with hiccups, and a cry for when he needs his diaper changed. 

Seems like a lot.. But at least I am only guessing half the time instead of all of the time. I feel like I am making progress.

- He LOVES to kick his legs. In fact if you leave him laying on his back, staring at this quilt my mom made me awhile ago, I can actually brush my teeth AND go to the bathroom... possibly even get dishes done. Its magical. 

- He LOVES music.. and Mommy doesn't mind one bit. 

- He LOVES showers with his Daddy.. the face on the little booger is the cutest thing you have ever seen. 

- He LOVES lights. 

- He is finally smiling at us, making us feel more funny than we probably are.

- He LOVES his walks with the Bjornn. 

- He hates to be cold.. and the poor guy is living in Rexburg of all places!

- He actually likes the sound of the vacuum. He started crying today as soon as I turned it off.

- He doesn't like to be squeezed.. and I try daily to give him tight hugs.. doesn't work. 

- The only time he is not making noises is when he is about to fall asleep or is asleep.. Other than that the kid grunts all day long!

Things I have learned about parenthood:

- Showers are overrated.. but if you get one in, blow drying your hair most likely wont happen. 

- Cleaning must go in shifts.. and really everything must go in shifts. 

- You certainly lose weight because you don't really have time to chow down like you used to.

- Newborns don't sleep as long as you thought they did.

- That cute little face in the odd hours of the night is literally the only thing that keeps you going.

- Diapers are like water.. you go through sooo many more than you expect.

- The older they get the more human you can be because you aren't feeding as often as before.

- Nursing is the hardest thing ever. No one tells you that.

- Boys really do have cute clothes.

- Things might not always be perfect and you might not get done everything on that stupid to-do list... But that one smile you did get seriously does make up it.

- I really can function on 3 hours of sleep and little cat naps. 

- Sometimes, though you might think they always need something.. that something could just be you.

It has been such a roller-coaster.. and honestly, much harder than I ever thought it would be. 

But I feel so accomplished that I have made it this far. 

I feel like it is finally getting to where I actually have a pattern. 

And I am finally finding little intervals in the day to clean or do dishes.. or just plain shower. 

I had no idea how human I would feel when this started to happen.

I seriously am getting emotional over this.. just the fact that I have made it to this point and I am still standing. 

It was a little touch and go for a bit, but I have made it.

No one can ever prepare you for this job, and honestly no one can really help you through it besides giving the occasional pep talks.

You honestly find what works for you and you keep pushing forward.

I might be screwing up my child by someone else's standard, but hey.. 

Our parents screwed us up too.

It's the circle of life.

And I am finally getting enough sleep to be able to function better.

I feel human.

I think thats a huge accomplishment all on its own.

Today I finally feel human.