Sometimes it bothers me that this journal is online for the time being. When I'm frustrated or just wanting to release words, I then am reminded of all the people who read these entries, and I think about what they might say about my feelings or the judgements they might make. People tend to jump to conclusions and this is a precaution I must consider before I write my thoughts down, rather than just being able to have the luxury and freedom of thought flow from my brain.... There is beauty when those words are closed up on your shelf, hiding from the world and only known to you. Its bothersome that people expect humans to always be filled with positive thinking, that when one moment of frustration comes and you just want to rant and rave and complain, all the sudden you are assumed to be an unhappy person who is unhappy with everything in life, not just that moment or that certain issue. I just want to be unhappy for one moment without someone thinking I'm not grateful for my life or for all my many blessings or that I all the sudden don't care altogether, because I am grateful and I do care. I am so grateful. I sometimes care way too much and I just get scared. I get scared and I'm exhausted and my life feels like a complete cluttered mess and I just want to be grumpy. Happy people can be depressed for one day, even if its just over something stupid and small and full of nothingness. Happy people can frown for just a moment, so please, just give me my moment.
8.19.2009
Grumpy
Sometimes it bothers me that this journal is online for the time being. When I'm frustrated or just wanting to release words, I then am reminded of all the people who read these entries, and I think about what they might say about my feelings or the judgements they might make. People tend to jump to conclusions and this is a precaution I must consider before I write my thoughts down, rather than just being able to have the luxury and freedom of thought flow from my brain.... There is beauty when those words are closed up on your shelf, hiding from the world and only known to you. Its bothersome that people expect humans to always be filled with positive thinking, that when one moment of frustration comes and you just want to rant and rave and complain, all the sudden you are assumed to be an unhappy person who is unhappy with everything in life, not just that moment or that certain issue. I just want to be unhappy for one moment without someone thinking I'm not grateful for my life or for all my many blessings or that I all the sudden don't care altogether, because I am grateful and I do care. I am so grateful. I sometimes care way too much and I just get scared. I get scared and I'm exhausted and my life feels like a complete cluttered mess and I just want to be grumpy. Happy people can be depressed for one day, even if its just over something stupid and small and full of nothingness. Happy people can frown for just a moment, so please, just give me my moment.
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4 comments:
Don't feel bad, darlin' - we all have to vent sometimes. There is nothing wrong with having a grumpy / mopey day. Hang in there! :)
hahaha...i'm not laughing at your grumpiness...but when you were all little and would cry, I would either cry louder or laugh. do you remember? it usually did the trick. you can go ahead and mope all you like.
you are allowed to have feelings that are "close to you", feelings which are personal, of which you do not have to disclose to anyone. feelings which are sort of close to your body in a way. keep them there...all good!!
Funny picture Elyse and kind of cute
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