Growing Up Is Hard To Do

My heart is so full today.

Well, for the past four days actually.

And rather than just bottle it all up and store it away in this brain of mine, to be remembered who knows when, I have to put it on paper to keep these feelings with me.

Moments like these don't come very often, but when they do, they hit me hard.

Really hard.

Lately, with being the Relief Society President, I have felt sort of left out. Not saying that the Sisters have anything to do with it. I have just felt left out of the Spiritual zone that tends to be created in that small chapel room. I am so focused on which names I don't remember, or looking for the Sister that might not be there... Making sure the lesson stays on topic, and sifting through the audience comments to make sure that those are still on topic... That by the time the hour is over, I always sit disappointed that I missed out. A whole hour of church, and my spiritual glass doesn't move.

I know what you are thinking, it is my fault. It really is. I can admit that. I can firmly admit that I need to quiet my brain sometimes and just focus on the spirit, but when you are responsible for so many others, how can you just sit and meditate?

It almost feels selfish when I put it that way. 

Also, in the lately category, I have felt unappreciated. Again, selfish.. But I think we all go through those moods of wanting everyone to hold our hands and tell us how wonderful we are and tell us we are the best at everything we do.. Then reality hits and we realize we aren't in that wonderful 3rd grade classroom anymore. 

I don't know about you, but my 3rd grade teacher, Miss. Miller, was the best at the praising thing. 

And then there is the fact that I've been so easily offended lately. The littlest things seem to hurt my feelings, or make me so easily upset. Yes, you are most likely thinking hormones are to blame.. But this is something that has happened pre-hormonal, so maybe there's more to it. 

So there I am Saturday evening, sitting in the chapel of our Stake Center, waiting to listen to the General Relief Society Conference.. Just waiting for the spirit to push me over with emotion because I was solely focused on that one moment. I was ready for it, almost impatient for it actually.

The meeting started, and one after the other, the speakers were outstanding. I don't know if I was so moved because I was so ready to be so moved, or maybe because I feel this strong connection to the Relief Society Sisterhood, or maybe the talks were just that good... But they hit me, and they haven't left me since.

One after the other, the talks spoke to me.. They spoke about me, consoled me, chastised me, encouraged me.. I felt so safe and secure within their company that I almost forgot I was sitting in a chapel packed full of other women. 

I felt like they were speaking straight to me.

And you know what they said? Without really having to say it straight out actually... 

They told me to grow up. 

That's really what they told me.

They told me to grow up, to buck up, and to keep pressing forward. They told me life is hard, so start learning how to better rely on the Savior for help. They spoke about the many things Christ did to serve his fellowman, not once asking for praise. They spoke of the fact that the spirit is our responsibility, that we should seek out for it and welcome it into our lives continually. They told me that I need to be that strong woman, that strong service-oriented woman. 

They told me to grow up. 

It sounds so stupid and simple, and almost a little too forward and harsh, but that's exactly the message I walked away with.

To complain away the "full plate" that I have so graciously given myself, or to complain away the fact that there is just too much to accomplish in a day.. or that the spirit has forgotten me... Those are nothing but habits and inventions made by the "silly women" Sister Beck quoted.

Complaining is for babies.. And if you have a baby, you cannot be a baby anymore (name that movie!).

I am not saying that I will never complain.. Gosh, I'm not that perfect! I am just saying that sometimes I get so caught up in the little nothingnesses (made that one up) of life and forget the true meaning of why I am here.

I am not here to have the perfect home, to be the perfect person, and to have every praise in the world. 

A dirty dish or two, that un-vacuumed floor, the the towels still needing to be washed... Those will not jeopardize my place in heaven.

I am here to be the best Wife, the best Mother, the best Daughter, Sister, and Friend. 

I am here to be the best witness of my Savior, and to know Him, to truly know Him. 

I am here to teach my Son of Christ, and every child that comes after him. 

That is what I am here for.

I know better, that's really what those women were saying to me Saturday Night. I know better, and so I need to step off the couch of complaints and just be better. 

It's that simple. 

It is time to grow up Elyse. It really is time.