He Remembered His Trail-Mix

Many of you are worried about me.

I find it funny how quickly those close to me will reach out when I post something a little more personal..

So I thought I should come on here and clarify a few things since my last post seemed more sad.

1. Everything is ok, I promise.

2. No one is dying.

3. I cry often, so a few tears here and there should not be cause for alarm.

And 4. I'm ok.

So here's take number two.

Let's hope this pokes at your heart a little better, instead of making you worry.

(Yes, you... Grandma & Mom)

 

 Everyone says that when you become a parent, it's like your heart starts beating outside of your body in the form of that little child.

Then your heart expands tremendously with the birth of your second, your third...

That one little heart that used to belong to you alone, then belongs to your little family surrounding you.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

I've been in survival mode.

For a couple years now actually.

There has been so much going on, so much to do, that my head has been focused on the ground just making sure my feet keep moving.

Add the little sleep, and there have been way too many moments where I don't even exist.

It wasn't until moving here, to Wickenburg, that I finally began to breath again.

I even had to remember how to make friends.

I was actually nervous to make friends.

Rob and I decided that 2013 would be the year for Christ.

We know we aren't doing any big moves, hopefully no big changes.. 

So this year is for Him.

Its amazing how much can happen with just that simple recognition in the back of your mind.

All the little things in life start to be magnified, and you see His hand in everything.

The problem with your heart being outside of your body is the fact that you cannot control it.

Three people currently hold my heart.

Three beautiful people are walking around, just holding it...

As my Husband walked out the door yesterday morning, it dawned on me the trials he might face that day.

He was leaving the sanctity of our little home, leaving my pep talks and good looks, and walking out into a terrible world.

I sat on the couch and wondered if he prayed before he left, I wondered if he would be safe as he was driving, if he remembered the trail mix I packed him.

And then I got on my knees and sobbed.

Here was my Husband, a grown man, a return missionary man, a career man.. 

And I was sitting and worrying about him like he was a child.

So then I sobbed even more as I thought about my children.

They arent even school aged and yet I worried about sending them out into a terrible world.

Throughout the years I will be sending those precious to me out to face their day, hoping and praying that they are protected..

That they feel loved.

You send your loved ones out the door and all you can do is pray.

 

All you can do is trust.

And that's sometimes the scariest thing I've ever felt.

So that ache that I talked about yesterday...

It was an ache that will never go away.

It was an ache of helplessness.

That thankfully turned into an ache of love and gratitude as the Lord reminded me, in various ways, of how good this scary world can be.

So, in other words, I am just learning how this parenting thing works.

And it's hard.

It is so very hard sometimes.

But this year is the year for Christ.

So let's cross our fingers that He strengthens me, because boy do I need it.

Now, I'm going to go hug my Husband.

 Not because he's cute, though he is that..

But because he remembered his trail-mix.