Sooner Or Later It Will Sink In

I honestly don't know what my problem is today.

Maybe it has something to do with the weather.. because, well let's face it, it is sort of crummy outside and that tends to showcase itself in more things than just the weather..

Or so it seems.

And yes, I know what my problem is.. This isn't a matter of having to dig deep. I just don't know why this is all the sudden happening..

Ok, well.. I guess I know the answer to that too.

Last night I had my Baby Shower.

The McCormick family threw it for me and you could not get a better family.

I was so grateful for the generosity in doing that and what a perfect way to be reminded that you are truly more blessed than you think you are than to be the center of attention for one night.

What a perfect time to know you have wonderful people surrounding you.

I honestly was so surprised that people even showed, let alone were extremely generous.

So thank you to all of those who came and supported me in this new adventure... I truly am blessed more than I am able to comprehend.

And comprehending that has been an emotional battle this week.

We are just surrounded with the most incredible family. Sometimes I just get extremely overwhelmed with everything I have been blessed with throughout my life...

And just when I think I can wrap my brain around it, something happens to remind me that it will always be overflowing.

This is a big moment for us and having our family is helping this transition go a little smoother.

Which brings me back to my problem.

I think it is just a problem in my mind because no one ever talks about real feelings out loud, so to me, I am feeling completely out of place.

Today we went to Baby's R Us.

I got gift cards, and we do not have one near us, so we thought we would take advantage of it.

Talk about an overwhelming store.

You could not possibly fit any more baby supplies into that warehouse looking thing, and trust me, they have literally thought of every gadget imaginable.

It's ridiculous.

So here I am... In that store.. Thankfully with my Mother.. And I could only think one thing..

I am not ready for this.

I was being asked questions about car seats, stroller debates.. which soaps to get.. Bath tub sponge or no..

And literally I could only think about the fact that I am not ready.

These months have gone by so fast, and this is such a big big big life thing.. and all I hear is how difficult these next months are going to be.. and I just want to start going backward.

We literally are set for baby. We don't need to purchase anything else.. He could come tomorrow and we would be completely prepared physically..

But emotionally?

Wow.

I over think everything, it is how I have always been, and over thinking just seems to suit me. It makes me feel better and helps so I can go through every option beforehand.

So yes, I know I am most likely over thinking things..

I just don't feel ready for this.

And please don't tell me that everyone has felt this way, because I am sure it is more common than people have been admitting..

I just remember thinking about this day, and thinking about this adventure.. Why was it that in my thinking I was so much farther in life?

I just seemed smarter in those memories, and none of this seemed to scare me as much as it does now.

I guess that goes to show you the problems with Hollywood.

So here I sit, starring at the most adorable car seat (you would love the colors)... Yes, I am taking a deep breath... possibly two.. and yes, I will get up from this chair and just keep plugging and go to work and push these raw emotions aside because I know I am capable...

But in this moment, I am terrified.

I am so blessed, I have an incredible family and wonderful friends.. But I am just plain old terrified.

This next year will be a hard year; a growing year.

So I guess I better grow some hair on my chest and get some good armor... Because there's obviously no turning back now and I am capable.

I know I am perfectly capable.

I just need to keep telling myself that.

Sooner or later it will sink in..