It Seems To Have Only Made Me Stronger

Yes, I know.. Slightly obnoxious... But wow does this picture make me laugh.

I think it pretty much sums up our trip to be honest.

We had way too much fun.

And what a hard life we lead... Visit family in southern Orange County.. Visit family in beautiful Santa Barbara County..

Then we come back to a high of 19.

I know its been ages since I have blogged, and there is way too much to say.. 

And there were so many times in the past couple of weeks where I would think something and then my blog would automatically pop into my head.. That's when you know I have crossed the line to blogger's brain.

I really don't even know where to start.

I have to load my photos on to photobucket before adding them to my page. 

Today, while looking for the perfect pictures to put on here for this post (hence the one above), I came across some that really made me sad.. 

My family is growing up too fast..

And yes, I actually did a masking night with them this trip.. Just like old times, except that my products have improved drastically.

But they don't even look like that anymore. 

Especially my little sister. 

She might still be petite, but that little girl face is gone completely.. And when she talks you almost forget her age. 

It's sort of creepy. 

And Avery, his voice has lowered so much.. 

And even though he wishes he still had that UCI sweatshirt that he wore constantly like it was attached to his skin.. He's not so little anymore either. 

In this picture only Carson is taller than me.. Now, all four of those boys have passed me up. 

Not that that is extremely difficult to do.. But they have seriously passed me up. 

And they have bicceps. 

What sister would ever be ok when her little brothers actually are defined and muscular??

Creepy. 

It's all super creepy.

And honestly.. Its super sad. 

I know that growing up is what happens, but it's not supposed to happen to them. 

My little brother will be in college this time next year. 

Another will be driving, and the other two will be able to go to church dances. 

Not that I see them going, but I certainly hope they try at least one dance, and even with at least one girl.

Then my sister will be in young women's. 

I remember that day.. and it honestly feels like yesterday.

Just like it was yesterday when this little guy entered our home. 

And now in a couple months he will be baptized. 

I know that pregnancy brings on the hormones like crazy, and I don't like to admit that I am ever affected by them, because of course I am not...

But I think, for me at least, it is bringing on absolute astonishment about the phases of life that we all go through. 

It hits me pretty hard sometimes actually. 

Just like it did being home.. and being at all these restaurants Rob and I used to go to while dating.. 

Seeing our families.. Seeing how big everyone is getting...

Seeing how big this belly of mine is getting.. and just the fact that in a matter of weeks this little one will be here.

Ok, so maybe months is more like it.. but when you say it in the form of weeks it just seems faster.. 

I just am in awe about life and the cycles we go through. 

Within each one we feel we know better than everyone around us.. 

And within each one we are quick to find we know absolutely nothing. 

It is extremely humbling to think that 30 years from now.. I still wont know a thing. 

Not one thing. 

 

When we got married a year ago, I honestly had no idea what marriage was.

In fact, sometimes it is fun to look back and read blog entries about my thoughts at the time. 

Sometimes I even cry at the naivety. 

And it is so strange to think that at the time, that was not even close to the adjectives I would have used to describe my demeanor. 

Now, a year later.. I find myself in the same exact place.. 

I know everything. I am ready for everything. I am scared of nothing. 

But yet.. I don't know anything.. and I am so scared of everything in front of me. 

My Grandpa, on Sunday, was talking to my little brother about the next 5 years in his life. 

I think he was quoting someone, or mentioning something someone said.. 

Honestly, I popped in late in the conversation.. 

But he was telling him, or reminding him.. or whatever.. that the next 5 years of his life will hold the biggest decisions he will ever make. 

A mission, college, what to major in, what he wants to do with his life, who he will marry.. 

That by the time he is done with all of those.. His life will be in front of him and it will just be a matter of completing the goals already set. 

This 5 year plan, or 5 years of importance.. will be from 18-23.

I'm 23. 

Why do I feel like my 5 years of importance is just starting?

Why do I feel like my decisions just keep getting bigger?

I honestly don't feel any more prepared for the life ahead of me. 

Well, except for the fact that I can make fabulous hot chocolate, and I do a mean laundry load... 

But honestly. 

I don't think life ever gets easier. 

I just think we have more experiences to help push us forward.

And when we are standing at a point where we think we have things covered..

The Lord steps in to remind us that we don't. 

So yes.. I am scared out of my mind to have this baby..

I am scared out of my mind to move again..

I am scared out of my mind about so many things.. 

Too many most likely.. 

But wow.. I have never been more prepared to fail.

Failure doesn't scare me anymore..

It seems to have only made me stronger.