6.12.2009
Trial & Error
Weddings have a way of bringing everything out in the open. You are approaching a pivotal point in your life, and so as a means to move forward, you close certain doors or open new and exciting ones. You start to apologize to those who you have hurt, forgive those who hurt you, trying to make this new step forward with no regrets. In the midst of all the exciting flowers, dresses, colors, food... I have reached an almost nostalgic point where I am kind of sad to grow up. This isn't just a high school graduation, or a new school, or new friends, this is a start to my life. This is where my life begins. This is where I create my own family, branching off from the one I grew up in, hoping that I will be able to implement the same structure and love within my childhood homes. This is where I take certain traditions that I cant part with and set forth those traditions for my children to be able to experience. All the while hoping I can do it. I look at the family around me, granted I didn't see them in this phase of life, but I wonder what they knew at this point. I wonder if they worried about their children even before they had them. I wonder if they worried about cooking meals, or forgetting how to even use bleach without getting it on their clothes. I burn cookies sometimes, and I hate the annoying sheet below the comforter so I never put it on, and I honestly find it pointless to make my bed every day because I will just be back in a few hours. I don't know how to pay water bills, and I am certainly not a spot removing genius. I still get confused what would be considered darks or lights when doing laundry, and I think I will always love to sing on the top of my lungs in the shower. I feel like I should be more adult-like, whatever that means, and I just want to be good to Rob. I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good mom. I want to have those meals ready and be that support system that marriage is perfectly designed for. There are so many wonders, so many small little fears, but I DO know that I love him with more fervor than I thought possible. To think it gets better from here just makes me so grateful for the purpose of marriage, and the fact that I will get to be with this incredible man for all of eternity. I get to marry him in the temple, and I get to love and honor him for the rest of my life. I may not know the logistics of keeping house, I may not be fully aware of everything marriage entails, but I love him so deeply that I don't really think it matters. I am ready to take this next step, and yes there are fears, but he is beside me. Isn't that what its all about? Its the fact that I know, no matter what, that I will have him beside me and then it all works out somehow. So I will take my burnt cookies and unmade bed to the alter with joy because I will have him beside me, and a little trial and error never hurt anyone.
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3 comments:
Elyse, your posts always make me smile. :) As for feeling like a grown-up - it's something that comes with the responsibility of marriage and family. You'll get there. I still feel like such an overgrown teen when I look at my friends with children and mortgages, but I think that's because there's a certain kind of growth and understanding that comes only within those marital bonds, line upon line, precept upon precept.
And I once asked my 80-year-old grandma if you ever hit a point where you feel grown up. Surprisingly, she said no. So, that makes me feel a little better. :)
I had an apiphany (sp?) the other day about age. See, I don't feel old. And I decided that we don't ever feel old because our spirits don't age. Our bodies do, but what makes them work inside doesn't age. So, no matter what you do, you'll never feel old enough to be doing it. And I still sing very loudly through my whole house. It's passed onto the kids. And that's a good thing. :)
i agree with nikki-i feel about 24-25, but i am an old lady on the outside. you will never feel "ready"...you have met the man you love, now just go for it! you will have ups and downs in your marriage, everyone does, and i know you know that. i think going into it knowing this is super important. if you prepare for these and treat each other accordingly, with the utmost respect and love you will never fail....you may have a few bumps, but no roll overs off a cliff!
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